


Angsty One-Shots

by multibean



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Betrayal, Crying, Death, Gen, Heavy Angst, Regret, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, hurt without comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-10-30 10:09:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 5,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10874574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multibean/pseuds/multibean
Summary: In-character angst from the kuroshitsuji series that I've come up with. No fluff, no joy, no hope, nothing of the sort. 100% pain.





	1. The End of an Era

**Author's Note:**

> There is nothing happy in this series. Just pure grief and angst.

The demon lifted his head up and sighed with delight, relishing the fruits of his labour. And when he peered back down again at the corpse below him, he felt a strong sense of unease.

Demons didn't grieve in the way that humans did. That was just the way it was. But oddly, instead of feeling sated and full, Sebastian felt sick to his stomach after taking the life of a child. He'd been looking forward to this wonderful meal for so long, and while it had been delicious, something within him felt off.

He knelt down and scooped up the boy's limp body. He was far lighter than before, the weight of his life force gone from his flesh, leaving him an empty shell, a motionless corpse. Sebastian held him how he always did, tight and secure against his chest, the way he always did after his master had endured another horrific nightmare. Except this time there was no response, no sigh of relief from the boy, no sweet smile elicited from the comforting hold.

Instead there was just the expressionless face of a lifeless body. Sebastian ran his long fingers through the boy's soft hair, his skin still quite warm to the touch, inhaling the same sweet youthful scent that he always had. He stroked his thumbs over his porcelain cheeks and gently lifted his eyelids, revealing two deep blue jewels for eyes buried in his skull. They appeared dull and faded, lacking the bright shine they used to display when they were powered by his young soul.

"My young master, taken before his time," Sebastian muttered, gazing at the innocent face that had become so familiar to him over the past four years. The demon had lived through countless eras and yet these past four years had seemingly passed so slowly. He had grown close to this small human, learned to accept his oddly mature nature and seen to his every need, eager to please the young lord whose short life had been vanquished so tragically.

 

 

The small casket was a gleaming ivory white, with intricate black details on each vertical side. The display was decorated beautifully with the young master's favourite white roses, trimmed perfectly with not a single dying petal to be seen.

Despite being the closest figure in the boy's life, Sebastian couldn't bring himself to show anything but a stoic expression. He peered at Ciel's pretty face one last time, his perfect, pallid skin holding an empty expression. His face was almost as white as the roses around him, youthful and pure like fresh snow.

Sebastian wasn't sad. Just empty in spite of the delicacy he'd savoured, and ashamed of the fact that the soul now inside him once belonged to a child, a life that had barely even begun. He hadn't been like the others - this child was special, worth his weight in gold - and Sebastian had erased every last drop of his life force, snuffed out his future just like that.

Everyone else was a mess. The four servants were engaged in some kind of loose group-hug, all of them sobbing violently, even Bardroy and Tanaka. The demon glanced towards them along with the others that had gathered to say their final goodbyes to the little boy who had lost his life too soon.

Nobody would hear his voice ever again, nor see that youthful gleam in his eyes, nor set a hand upon his soft skin. Sebastian and the others would never again have the pleasure of serving the little lord, of dedicating their lives to his comfort. The queen herself remained silent on the matter, being as the causes of his death remained a mystery to everyone except the demon who had stayed by his side for four blissful years.

 

 

The headstone was a very light grey, intricately decorated just like the beautiful casket that held the body of an equally beautiful boy. On it were engraved a few solemn words, in a thin, fancy font.

_In loving memory of_  
_Ciel Phantomhive_  
_Passed away 2nd February 1890_  
_Aged 14 years_  
_Rest in peace_

Indeed, a tasty soul. One that Sebastian Michaelis had been longing to devour for a significant while. When memories of his time with his master came flooding back, he began to wonder if he regretted ending it all.

This was the end of an era.


	2. Breaking it Off

It is a warm day. The sky is clear, and has been for the past four days or so; the sun is shining through the trees outside the manor, the shadows filtering the rays to form freckles of light on the muddy ground below.

A young boy is sat at his desk, head slumped against the mahogany, fast asleep. His mouth is open ever so slightly, and a small thread of saliva makes its way onto the wood that supports his head. When the door across the room opens, he awakens with a jolt and lifts his head up, wiping his mouth in embarrassment.

"What are you doing in here?" he asks indignantly.

"My apologies. I did knock, but you would not respond," the butler says, slightly amused. He brings the tray over to the desk and pours out the young master's afternoon tea, then places the intricately decorated cup onto his desk as he cuts into the strawberry shortcake.

"I don't need you to bring me afternoon tea anymore."

Sebastian stops slicing and glances up, confused. "Whatever do you mean?"

Ciel pouts and stands up, nails digging into the wood. "You're a fool. I regret ever forming a contract with you. It was simply a plea to save my life."

The knife slips from the demon's hand and hits the floor with a clang. He stares at the boy with wide eyes, his mouth parted in surprise.

"If I may be honest, I don't need you around here anymore. Never really have."

Sebastian narrows his eyes again. "That is a blatant lie."

Ciel smirks. "The truth hurts. Don't tell me you're emotionally attached? You're a bloody monster."

"So you wish to end the contract?" Ciel was hearing the butler's voice like he'd never heard it before. It wasn't the polite, proper tone he was used to. No, something about this voice was inhuman, which mismatched the human form he saw before him.

"If I may be blunt, yes."

The demon's expression doesn't change. As soon as he hears the words, he feels the numbing against his hand and slips off his white glove to see the fading contract mark, glowing a dim lilac rather than a bright, bold purple.

Once again, he looks at the young earl, who hardly seems bothered in the least. While it was true that demons could not feel emotions in the way that humans can, something within him felt horribly empty.

"I never knew Ciel Phantomhive could be such a cold and calculating individual. You truly are a heartless being."

Ciel sniggers. "You will never have a taste of my soul. All those times we spent together - those were for nothing. I have simply been using you to save my life when faced with a dangerous task. For a devil, you are surprisingly foolish and naïve. All this time, you have dedicated your life to serving me, hoping to devour me in the end; only now do you realise what a mistake you have made, wanting to serve a brat like me."

The demon is speechless. Outside, the warm wind rustles the thick foliage and a large cloud settles over the sun, causing the room to darken a little. He watches as Ciel removes his eyepatch to reveal a pale, weakly shining pentagram on his eye. He can just make out its shape as it fades into nothingness.

"Feeling a bit sentimental, are we?"

"No. No, I am not," the devil snarls. But the truth was - he would never admit this, of course - that he had almost began to care for this precious boy. The two of them had stayed by one another's side for years, each gaining mutual benefit. Yes, he knew his soul would have been an absolute treat. But somehow he felt as if he would miss holding the child tight after another night terror, pouring him tea and watching his eyes sparkle as he took in the pleasant flavour, seeing his sweet, tired face every morning as he woke him.

Humans were interesting. This child in particular had been a source of interest for him over the past few years. He had enjoyed learning of his way of life, providing comfort and understanding in the form of a human, a façade that was soon to fade.

"Why are you still here? I do not need you anymore. You're a nuisance."

"You are like all of them," the beast growls, the pupils of his red eyes appearing as slits. "Just like all of the others, you are nothing but food to me. I am ashamed to think you have ever been my master. I am no longer Sebastian. I am no longer a butler and I will never serve you again. To me, you are merely prey."

"Good," the lord says triumphantly, closing his tired eyes and slumping against the desk, wishing he'd just disappear already.

And he did just that. When he glances up a few minutes later, the devil is gone seemingly without a trace, until he spots the small black feather that rests beside his desk.


	3. Depression

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ciel needs help, but he never gets any, because in this world, happiness is nonexistent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self harm

Depression is a looming cloud.

Except there's no sunshine to be revealed from behind it, no glimmering hope within, no blue skies anywhere to be found. Ciel's mind was a thick black cloud and had been for the past year or so.

_It can't be helped_ , he supposed. After all, nearly every familial figure in his life had perished. And he was too damn proud to admit that he needed help, so here he was, trying to convince his small yet powerful mind that he could resolve this by himself. _Revenge_ , he always told himself. That's why he was so down. Of _course_.

Because this kind of mood is that easy to explain.

He still wasn't sure how he'd managed to hide his stained clothes from the other members of the household. The truth was that he was ashamed of his behaviours, too frightened to open up to anyone else. He was aware that this was dangerous and that he couldn't hide it forever.

There was a knock at the door. "Come in," Ciel murmured, not moving an inch.

Sebastian entered the room and peered at the gloomy boy who laid on the bed. "My lord, what's wrong? You've seemed terribly down recently."

"Just leave me be," Ciel pouted.

"I apologise for the intrusion, but I must collect your clothes for them to be washed."

Ciel gritted his teeth and sat up. The self harm was a recent thing; the low mood wasn't.

"I-I spilt something on them..."

Sebastian smiled gently. "Well, my lord, that's all the better for them to be washed. Please hand them over to me or you won't have anything to wear."

Ciel could feel tears stinging his eyes. He knew he couldn't get out of this. He was the boss around here, being a noble and all, but at the end of the day he was still a child who was being taken care of.

"Fine," he said sadly, ambling over to the box full of his dirty clothes before carrying the pile over to the bed and setting them down on the duvet.

"Thank you. My apologies for disturbing you. I won't-" The demon stopped mid sentence, his pupils turning to thin slits as he eyed the dried bloodstains on the garments. It roused something monstrous within him. As soon as he saw it, took in its metallic scent, he wanted a fresh sample of it right then and there.

_No_ , he thought, maintaining a calm and eloquent demeanour. _I have to compose myself._

"My lord," he began, picking up a dark blue item of clothing. "What's with all of this... blood?"

He turned to Ciel to see him curled up on his bed with his face pressed against his pillow, the edge of his pink blush visible beside his ear.

Sebastian scooted over to him and rested a hand on the top of the boy's head, smoothing down his soft dark hair. "Have you been hurt? Why are your clothes stained with blood?"

Ciel sniffled. "It's nothing."

"Come, now, sit up," the demon said gently, placing a hand beneath his chest and lifting the boy upright. He held his chin with his thumb, stroking his lower lip and peering at his pale face. "Please tell me what's happened. This blood didn't appear out of thin air. Where are you hurt?"

The Earl remained quiet and pulled away, burying his head in his hands.

"Ciel." His single blue eye widened, surprised at the butler's rare use of his name. "Your welfare is my first priority."

Ciel burst into tears then, suddenly blurting out, "I did it to myself. I-I hurt myself..."

The demon looked shocked. _Why would a human damage their own body_? He thought, bewildered. _What purpose does it serve_? He knew not to ask these questions out loud. He just found it so difficult to comprehend human emotions and intentions.

The Earl glared at him. "You don't get it," he hissed. "I can see it in your eyes. What's it to you anyway? You're a bloody demon. You could never understand the kind of pain humans feel, and what it drives them to do."

Sebastian sighed. "I know, my lord. I'm just baffled... why didn't you tell me?"

"Because..." Ciel felt so small and pathetic and ashamed. "Because I'm embarrassed and I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone, that's why." He started to sob violently. "You don't get it. You couldn't possibly understand even if you tried. I punish myself because out of all the humans in this dire world, it is myself that I despise the most." He reached into the drawer beside his large bed and pulled out the thin, wide blade. "I don't know what it is about it that calms me down but I can't stop. Nothing comforts me anymore. I have no purpose, no future, no joy left in my life at all. I should have died that day... if I had been killed alongside my family, the world would be a better place..."

Sebastian narrowed his eyes as he listened, his chin resting between his finger and thumb. He understood every word, but as much as he tried to muster a single ounce of sympathy, he couldn't. It was impossible for a monster such as himself to feel pity. Deciding it was the best action to take, he reached out and took the blade from the Earl's hand and stuffed it into his pocket.

"I can't allow you to endanger your health any longer, my lord."

Ciel nodded. "I know... I know it's awful. But it provides comfort, despite the pain. It's oddly addictive."

"Hmm," the demon responded. "If you don't mind, would you like to tell me where you have hurt yourself?"

Ciel looked embarrassed. "Mostly my arms. Sometimes my thighs. Always places that are covered by my clothes, which is why the sleeves are stained with blood." The Earl knew that the demon would never understand, but he felt like venting to him anyway, relying on him as some kind of support system - a false sense of security.

"Please show me, my lord."

Ciel cringed at the thought, but before he could change his mind, decided to slowly roll up his sleeves to reveal the stinging wounds beneath. Sebastian gazed at them and did his best to hide his lust. The cuts were long and moderately deep, the edges of them coated with clotted dried blood. The minority were on the underside and the boy had known better than to cut anywhere near his arteries, but the pair of them were still well aware of the danger of this habit.

"There's something seriously wrong with my head," Ciel finally admitted, feeling ashamed. "And I feel as though there's nothing I can do. I'm too far gone now. You're not going to want to hear this, but I wish I could just die, and I might actually just do that."

Sebastian gasped in shock.

Ciel smirked. "You don't like the thought of losing your dinner, huh? Is that why you don't want me to kill myself? Not because you care about me as a person, right?"

Sebastian looked uncomfortable. "Young master... I cannot tell lies."

Ciel raised his eyebrows and waited for him to continue as he rolled his sleeves back down.

"As a part of our contract, I will receive your soul. That is why I cannot allow your life to end under any other circumstances."

"Why don't you just come out and say it, you monster? You don't care about me."

"That's right," said Sebastian. "I don't care about you, my lord. I'm not capable of forming attachments, nor feeling love, nor caring for any other being except for myself. To me, you are merely food, and if you didn't owe your soul to me, I'd allow you to end your life this instant."

Ciel smiled. "See? I have nothing to live for. No one to love me. Not anymore."

Sebastian nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid you're correct, young master."


	4. Death's Grim Door

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Written from Alois' point of view just before his death.

I've never truly experienced joy. I don't even think I know how.

And now, here I am, faced with my own death. I'm shaking like a leaf. I'm not particularly afraid of my life ending because I know it will be like falling asleep. I'm just distraught because my short time on this earth was filled with nothing but misery. My life has truly gone to waste and there's not a single thing I can do about it now. All I can do is pity myself and leech pity off of others, just how I always have for the past fourteen years.

I wish I could atleast pass away in my manor where I feel safe.

My butler is gazing at me from above. He looks so hungry and eager, a wolf in sheep's clothing, ready to pounce on his prey at any moment. I am stuck in his web, and have been ever since we formed the damn contract. There are so many things I regret, and that is one of them. I've brought this dire end on myself. I'm bitter because I have nobody else to blame for my demise.

"Claude?" I ask, my eyes filling with tears. "D-do you think I deserve to die?"

He smiles menacingly. "That's not my place to say, _Your Highness_."

I started to sob at that point. He's mocking me, I know it. He doesn't care that I'm just a child, weak and helpless and afraid. I'm just another meal to him, another soul to rip from a body. I've never felt happiness and it's too late now. I never got to meet my own parents. I never got to see Luka grow up into the strong young man he would have been. I've never had a family. I've never even truly had friends.

"What are you waiting for?" I ask, trembling. "J-just get it over with."

He bends down then, cupping my damp face in his hands and gazing at me. I'm crying messily as I look at him, feeling vulnerable and ashamed of my fear, seemingly endless hot tears pouring down my face. I don't want it to happen. No, I want to get up and just run away, run far away to someplace else and start anew. I could start anew, I could find people who care about me, I could find meaning and purpose. But that's not going to happen, because I owe my pathetic life to a demon who insists on dragging this out just because he enjoys teasing his prey.

"How much will it hurt?" I ask softly.

"Quite a lot. But once I'm done, you'll be at rest for eternity."

My heart begins to pound even harder when he leans towards me. I close my eyes then and wait for the agony, the leaking of my blood, the piercing, nauseating sound.

"You could have been a remarkable person, Jim Macken. Why did you throw it all away?"


	5. Bitter Truth

He's never had the opportunity to form a solid attachment. And now, the only figure in his life that had brought him the slightest amount of joy was about to disappear.

All Alois can do is stare as Sebastian corners Claude. The boy has been left completely powerless, and even if there was anything he could do, he knew he'd be much too afraid to even try.

He despised Sebastian for this. He was about to take away everything that was dear to him for no other reason than because he was hungry and desperate to have Ciel's life force all to himself. "If you'd had the decency to _keep your hands off_ my young master," Sebastian growls, his eyes glowing crimson as he holds the Lævateinn above Claude's body, "I wouldn't have to vanquish you like this."

Alois is sobbing quietly but violently into his hands, a throbbing pain in his chest that won't stop. He can't bear to look as he hears the demon blade pierce Claude, thrusting right through his chest and exiting out of his lower back, forcing an animalistic, deep anguished cry to escape from his throat. It's the last he'll ever hear of his voice.

He can't tell if Claude has any regrets. He's pretty certain that all a demon wants to do is spend its existence snatching souls away from unsuspecting humans because it's fun, so it's not like he's leaving anyone behind. Despite not wanting to accept it as reality, Alois knows full well that Claude has never cared about him, wanting nothing more than to make a meal out of him, but that hasn't stopped him growing close to him. He has never been as attached to anyone as he has to Claude. Claude was the first figure in his life to take care of him without abusing him, exploiting him, or punishing him for no reason other than because he could. And now, that sole figure is gone, leaving Alois alone in this hellish world once again.

Alois stares at the demon blade. Half of its teal surface is coated thickly in blood, having pierced the monster now laying motionless at Sebastian's feet. He's not surprised by the smile on Sebastian's face, but somehow, seeing him so satisfied after ending Claude's life is enough to make the boy's stomach turn. "Why did you take him away from me?" he suddenly chokes out, hot tears spilling down over his cheeks and dampening his clothes. "Why _Claude?_ "

Sebastian stares at him emotionlessly. "Because you and he just couldn't leave my master alone. Why else?"

"I _cared_ about Claude!" Alois cries out in despair, his sobs uncontrollable, a little like hiccups. "I cared about Claude so much! He was always there for me when I was scared and he helped get me away from that nasty pervert... he was the only one to ever treat me well. Don't you understand, I-I had no one else... everyone else was always so cruel and turned my life into a living hell, but Claude, he was always there. He'd always hold me when I was scared of the dark and when I had nightmares and he never left my side. A monster like you," He lets out a pained wail, "could _never_ understand."

Sebastian remains stoic. "You're right. Honestly, I don't think I'll ever understand how humans can become so upset over someone's death."

"Shut up!" Alois screams, his whole body trembling. "I'll... I'll never forgive you!"

Sebastian chuckles. "It's beyond me why humans waste their time becoming attached to one another. Claude never cared about you in the slightest. Why waste your time and effort mourning him when you were nothing but a potential meal to him?"

This was the bitter truth that Alois had been actively avoiding since he'd first began to warm up to the demon who served as his butler. In the back of his mind, he'd always known that this nurturing figure was a foul beast who was only in it for the reward, excited at the thought of devouring the boy's soul and not feeling a single ounce of guilt at the idea of ending his life. No matter which way anyone looked at it, that was the bitter truth. The one person whom Alois had grown attached to was now gone, and the fact that this attachment had been unrequited made his blood run cold. It angered him, knowing that no matter what he believed, no matter what he tried to convince himself, Claude hadn't felt the slightest amount of affection for him. That vile, malicious monster had been driven on nothing but hunger, his caring demeanor nothing short of a façade to lure the boy into his web.


	6. Just for Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To demons, the pain and anguish of humans is delicious.

Ciel gritted his teeth at Alois as they duelled. The younger of the pair's heart was pounding so hard that he was terrified it'd burst out of his chest before they could even declare a winner. For someone who had never even duelled before, Alois was excellent. His wits were sharp to the extent of being terrifying.

"Aw, you look like you're about to piss yourself!" Alois laughed as the blade struck dangerously close to Ciel's cheek. "I can't wait to see you lying all helpless and pathetic on the floor surrounded by a pool of blood when I _stab your tiny little heart out_ -" He was interrupted when he narrowly dodged a quick blow. "And it looks like no one will be here to save you, am I right?"

"Y-you're all talk," Ciel snapped, determined not to let this cruel brat win over him. "And you're not even that strong..."

He regretted these words, because before he knew it, he had been thrown right off the edge onto the hard floor below, his spine hitting the ground with a sharp _thud_ that sent excruciating pain through every cell in his body. No, Alois _was_ strong. Strong and agile enough to leap off the edge without taking damage in order to peer smugly at Ciel, tapping the sword against the boy's face, smirking.

Realising there was no other option at this point, Ciel groaned in pain and raised his arm, then lifted his eyepatch to reveal the glowing lilac seal. "Sebastian!" he thundered, shaking as Alois dangerously loomed over him, enjoying his power.

"What's _he_ going to do?" he mocked. He dug the sword into the flesh on Ciel's lower arm, drawing blood and eliciting a gasp of pain as he sliced through his veins. "Aww, do you need your butler to make it all better? You treat him like he's your _mum!_ "

Ciel ignored him and gave a hiss of pain. " _SEBASTIAAAN!_ " he yelled, his voice echoing throughout the manor.

* * *

The demon felt a slight tingle on the back of his hand, then used his teeth to slip off his glove and reveal the pentagram on his hand. He sighed with exasperation when he heard Ciel scream his name. "Honestly, young master? Can't you handle _anything_ by yourself?" He got up and clenched his fists. "I suppose I shall have to go and save him so I don't go hungry."

The tall, dark-haired man wandered through the corridor until he came to the room in which the two boys had previously been fighting. He was surprised to see Alois slicing at Ciel with the sword, not realising his young master was in such peril. "Oh, dear," he said calmly, feeling nothing but slight annoyance.

"Help me!" Ciel sobbed. "That is an _order!_ Save my life!"

Sebastian stood motionless, smiling as he watched his master writhe in agony. He knew he wasn't going to let him die. Why would he, after all this time he'd wasted serving that brat? No, he wasn't letting such a delicious soul go to waste. But seeing him suffer and cry out wasn't short of amusing.

"S-Seb-Sebastian?" Ciel sobbed. Alois laughed like a psychopath as he ran the sharpness along Ciel's skin, slicing along thin pale flesh, insisting upon making his victim suffer for the fun of it. And Sebastian, his butler, just stood by and watched. It didn't matter how many times Ciel called out for him. He stood there, smiling, licking his lips occasionally as he savoured the suffering of his master, a small appetizer that was more tempting than it was satisfying.

"Look, even _he_ doesn't care," Alois giggled. "He's not like my Claude, who would go to the ends of the earth for me. Sebastian can't _stand_ you, Ciel! Look, look how much he's enjoying seeing you suffer!"

The boy was barely conscious at this point. "Sebastian," he groaned weakly, and it was at that point Sebastian realised he was losing too much blood, so he came over and shoved Alois out of the way lest his injuries become any more severe.

"I cannot allow this to continue," the demon sighed, picking Ciel's limp body up off of the floor and wiping some of the blood away. "Goodness, look at your clothes. Washing these will be bothersome."

"S-Sebastian," Ciel said shakily. "Save me. That is an order. I am your master."

"Yes, my lord. Indeed... I shall stop the bleeding right away and get you bandaged up. Can't have you dying, now, _can we?_ " Ciel began to cry as Sebastian wandered out of the room, holding him, his seemingly polite demeanor a contradiction to his heartless intentions.

* * *

When the two had left, Alois suddenly began to laugh. He was still tightly gripping the handle of the blade, fresh blood seeping down the weapon as his body shook with uncontrollable giggles.

He found it incredibly amusing how Ciel was so gullible as to think that his butler would hesitate to watch him suffer.


End file.
